Cellar Door

this post is not strictly linguistics related, but it’s just what came out when i sat down to write today…

sometimes i find tumblr a source of infinite inspiration, an example of beauty, talent and opportunity just waiting to be explored. it makes me want to rush out and buy a book, write a novel, see a play. 

but other times, such as this one, it makes me feel so lost. i see all the funny, the quirky, the original. and i end up feeling a bit sorry for myself. it brings a stark realisation that no matter what i do or say,  how hard i work or search,  how far or long i travel, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of other people in this world just like me. 

people who have the same interests, the same style of writing, the same aspirations, the same dreams.

and whilst this can often bring a sense of comfort, a feeling of belonging, on days like this it makes me wonder whether i will ever contribute anything to this world that couldn’t have been provided in some other way by some other person. 

the world is so full, so vibrant, so infinite, that i doubt my capacity for original or independent thought. which terrifies me. and by my own rule, it probably terrifies many other people in the same way.

this thought make me wonder, is worrying about such a thing as this an element of Western culture’s grand narrative of individuality? is this very thought a sign that even my concern for individuality is an indicator of my lack of it? have i been enculturated so well that i am only now reaching this unsteady conclusion? do members of cultures which have a much stronger sense of community, filial piety, social responsibility worry about such things?

perhaps i should stop worrying about my individual needs and concentrate on working towards the bigger picture for society. but in contemplating this i get myself into further trouble, as so many of personal beliefs don’t align with the general consensus of the society within which i live and therefore the idea of working as one to the majority’s view of a ‘better’ future brings scary comparisons of 1984 to mind.

and all of this because of a simple doctor who gif.